Poking Fun at Seward and His Purchase
The Herald - Dubuque - Saturday, April 27, 1867
Transcribed and Contributed by: Frances Cooley
The purchase of the Russian possessions gives people a rare opportunity to be witty. The newspapers are taking advantage of it. WE quote a few paragraphs from the New York Herald:
"How to make both ends meet -- Buy Patagonian, Mr. Seward.
"Real Estate Wanted -- Wanted to purchase real estate in lots of 871,846 square miles and upward. Not particular as to location. Apply to W. H. S. State Department, Washington, D.C.
"N. B. - All payments made in gold or its equivalent. No agents need apply.
"The Milk in The Cocoanut - We can get it with the Fejee Islands. Having commenced the purchase of outside countries, we can to on. We have icebergs, but we want cocoanuts.
"A Few West India Islands Wanted - Any distressed persons having a few islands to dispose of in the Spanish Main can find a purchaser by applying to Washington, D.C. No objections to Jamaica. Soulouque and Gelfrard will be taken in with the purchase. References exchanged.
We Have It - A bird's-eye view of the North Pole from old Grandfather Whitehead, Mount St. Elins.
Money To Loan -- On loaded property, in sums of from seven to ten millions. Apply by mail to W.H.S., Washington, D.C.
Cash! Cash! Cash! - Cash paid for cast off territory. Best price given for old colonies, north or south.
